Forgive, Let Go, Move On!

The Phoenix

In the last post I talked about getting MAD. Today I want to talk about something that may sound like I want to negate what I said in my last post.  That's not at all the case, but, I do feel the need to clarify.

Last time I talked about getting in touch with your "Anger-ENERGY" that comes from all of the painful challenges in life.  I do not...I repeat...I DO NOT want you to let go of that ENERGY!  I hope to give you some constructive ways to CHANNEL that energy. In fact, to bring about any CHANGE you need a great deal of energy to do it.

But....this one fact remains...YOU CAN'T MOVE FORWARD INTO THE FUTURE IF YOU'RE STUCK IN THE PAST! And, the Intentional Act of FORGIVENESS is the way to break those past chains so you can move forward....still taking that anger-energy with you.  Think of it this way. When you try to mix oil and water it just doesn't work. The heavier of those liquids (oil) goes to the bottom of the container and the lighter one stays on top.  That's what I'm suggesting...separate and keep the heavier energy of your Anger while you LET GO of your mental OBSESSIONS with the events that have made you mad.

One of the main reasons for letting go is that you can get caught up in a memory loop. Over and over you think about what's happening to you that's making you upset - being unemployed, homeless...etc. Your brain doesn't know the difference in this case between fact and fiction. Every time you think about what's making you mad your brain makes more of that anger-energy. That energy is really a chemical in your brain..like adrenaline.  Eventually, it's like you've flooded your brain with that energy as you would flood the engine of your car when you keep flooring the gas pedal because your car won't start.  You need an appropriate amount of Anger-Energy that reflects what happens to you.  What you don't want is some kind of BLIND RAGE! What's even more important is that when you have this emotional energy overload you tend to act from that emotional part of your brain.  The emotional brain is a part of the brain that's physically located BELOW your rational brain.  So...when your actions come from that emotional brain they are usually impulsive and irrational.  You say something you don't want to say. You do something you don't want to do. You say and do something to people you love who aren't responsible for what's happened to you.  Or what you say or do comes with really substantial negative consequences. Most of all...when you do say or do these impulsive things, the worst thing is you can't take them back!

(Oh...and if you're not sure you believe me when I say that your brain doesn't understand fact or fiction when it comes to having an emotional response to what you think about...close your eyes and imagine that you've entered a tall building - like the Empire State Building - and you take the elevator to the top floor. This time they are doing some kind of construction so you are able to go right over to the edge and look down!  How do you FEEL now?  Often people feel dizzy..they get vertigo...or...they won't even IMAGINE walking up to the edge!  True...a part of you can remind yourself that this is just an imagination exercise...it's not really happening ...but..apparently..your emotional brain doesn't know that if it's produced the chemical/emotional response that would help protect you (make you step back) if you'd ACTUALLY been there.

So...first of all...the goal is to produce an appropriate amount of anger-energy and not to flood your brain with so much energy you can't control it.

One of the ways you can avoid that brain-loop that keeps generating that emotional/chemical reaction is to FORGIVE whoever you believe is RESPONSIBLE for what's happening to you . Then, you can get off the brain-loop and LET IT GO!  It's important to know that you are making this choice to forgive NOT because the person deserves it. (...and to FORGIVE doesn't at all mean to FORGET!). You are making this decision for you. You are making this decision because you want to stop carrying around the burden of this surplus energy and the headaches or negative consequences that come with it.  And, you're choosing to stop this crazy brain loop because, quite honestly, the person who's hurt you and made you angry probably doesn't even know that you're thinking about them! They are just going on with their lives completely unaware...guilt-free...of what's going on in YOUR life. They're preoccupied with what's going on in their own lives! So, forgive...and forgive specifically. Don't make some broad generalized forgiveness.  List each burden you are carrying and visualize who or what caused it and then FORGIVE that person and let that specific burden go and move on to the next one. Remember - sometimes the person you need to forgive is yourself.  You can't make your past disappear, but you can forgive yourself when something happens so you don't have to remain stuck there.

There are two other concepts that I'd like you to consider before we move onto the next phase in our journey.  The first is the concept of doing your PERSONAL BEST.  Athletes usually know what their Personal Best record is.  They know their record; the world record; they even know the Olympic Record.  And they know this information so that they can know when they've gone beyond their past record and set a new Personal Best. But all of us can begin to look at what we do every day that way.This way of looking at Personal Best is not grammatically correct. It says: "Today I did good. I did my best. But tomorrow (with more rest, more practice, more insight, more help from you...etc.) I can do better.  When you set your expectations of yourself and of others, consider doing so with this Personal Best concept in mind.  Believe that you...believe that others...including the politicians in Washington...can get better tomorrow. Maybe what they need to make some improvement is to get some FEEDBACK from you.

Finally, when you think about politicians and their capacity to change and your ability to HOPE that they CAN change, consider the following:  while a person may get into public office because they feel that noble call to serve others; once they get elected..THAT'S THEIR JOB! THAT'S THE SOURCE OF THEIR FAMILY'S INCOME! And...if they don't WIN THEIR NEXT ELECTION...THEY'RE UNEMPLOYED!!!  And...as each of us VOTES for these politicians...we are...in fact..THEIR EMPLOYERS!!!  Now, let me be clear, I believe that many politicians do some very good things.  I follow my own Congressman on Facebook.  I get the reports of the bills he's voted for; the dollars he's bringing back to our district; the projects he's supporting and so many other "public service" activities I can't even begin to count them.  But, I'd be naive to think he's doing all this just because he has some altruistic motives.  He wants to keep his job! The concern about big money donors in politics is that what may be at its base is a desire to assume that EMPLOYER role from each of us. If we don't come out and vote to make clear to our politicians that we are CLAIMING OUR RIGHT AND RESPONSIBILITY to EMPLOY them. they can easily ignore us. Politicians learn to respect...need..fear donors.  And, they will continue to do so as long as those donors - who count for so few votes compared to the number of votes all of the poor and those who support their cause have - appear to be more INFLUENTIAL in this POLITICAL EMPLOYMENT process than voters do.

So...it's time to FORGIVE...LET GO of our negative emotional burdens..and..MOVE ON to claiming back our POWER...our INFLUENCE...in the next and all future elections!