Help You? Help Yourself!

The Phoenix

When I wrote the first post in this blog I said I'd begun this activity as a response to my frustration...to my anger.  While I know I share in a national frustration with Washington at their seeming inability to get much of anything done; I just want to make it clear that the frustration...the anger that motivated me to start writing this blog (and its companion Facebook page and other actions I might take to actually make this "movement" a reality) is really mostly focused on the Poor themselves!

I know it must sound ironic - to be putting an effort into helping a group of people that also makes me angry. So, let me clarify.

For a number of years I taught a "Learning Theories" course to graduate students that explored the various theories that impacted the education system.  One of those theories is called THE ATTRIBUTION THEORY.  In it's most concise form this theory explored what were the possible causes that humans "attributed" to things that happened in their lives and what impact that belief had on them. Some of those causes were external: "I got lucky"..."He just really likes me.." and some of those causes were internal: "I'm naturally creative"..."I worked hard for this!"

What I want to focus on is that last choice - "I worked hard for this!"  Of the four answers I described above, only this last one gives the person any sense of self-esteem...any sense of personal power.  What this decision says is that "I made a CHOICE that had a positive or negative result in my life." And, whether that impact was positive or negative, the most important insight - if this is what you "attribute" as the reason why something happened in your life -  is that you're NOT POWERLESS...YOU CAN HAVE SOME CONTROL OVER YOUR LIFE!

There is something called "LEARNED HELPLESSNESS". This is the concept that I am aiming to change.  This is the pattern of belief that I'm afraid the Poor have not only learned but they have also passed it on from generation to generation.  To put it simply, that belief says that "I'm Poor so I'm Helpless.  I'm NOT lucky...No one really likes me...and I don't think I have any particular skills and talents that can help me help myself."  If I can convince those who society categorizes as the "economically poor" of anything, it would be that that belief JUST IS NOT TRUE!!!

One has only to look around at the many stories that surround us to find the evidence that this belief is false.   Stories of people who have made a success of their lives - despite all kinds of obstacles and challenges  - abound.  People have had to deal with unspeakable tragedies yet now have made a triumphal return. People have lived with great poverty but now have amassed great wealth. If we look into the biographies of many of today's successful celebrities, athletes and politicians there's often a story line that talks about that person's "humble beginnings".  In fact, that person often makes the claim that the very challenging circumstances of early life  was, in fact, the very motivation that helped them make the effort that resulted in the success they now enjoy in life.

The most important lesson to learn from these examples is that each of these people MADE A DECISION to take CONTROL of their lives. They claimed THEIR RIGHT to make the CHOICES in their lives. And..today they can look back at their lives and say "I worked for this!" ..."This happened because of MY EFFORT!"

The human brain is an amazing thing!  If you want to...you can actually CHANGE your mind and go from BELIEVING you're HELPLESS to THINKING you have the POWER to bring about CHANGE in your life!  Does your brain change overnight? No! Your brain is not a fool.  It will find it very difficult to put its TRUST in a message you tell it TODAY when you've spent so many years telling it the VERY OPPOSITE is true.  What does that mean?  Simple...you just have to keep talking to yourself...telling yourself the same NEW BELIEF until finally you get THROUGH TO YOURSELF!  We all understand the process of trying to convince someone else to do something. Politicians try to PERSUADE us to do something (elect them!) all the time.  What's their strategy? They make a "persuasive commercial" and they just keep re-airing it on TV until you're sick of seeing it!  But, the truth is, this process - repetition - works.  I'm just trying to make the case that if you are Poor you can convince yourself that you can do something about it. And, if you fit in the category of those people who are trying to help the poor, you can ask yourself: "Am I working with the Poor in a way that just continues to re-enforce the belief that 'you're helpless..so let me help you?" or are you sending a more positive message: "You may be Poor now...but, I believe things can get better and I want to help you make that happen."

If you're reading this and you're saying to yourself (or...to me..) "what you're suggesting is impossible"..."do you know how HARD it will be to make the changes in my thinking that you suggest?" I respond..."Yes...I do know it will be HARD...AND..."  What's the alternative? Let life keep on keeping on? Learn how to be content in your own state of miserable? Accept the fact that your life and your children's future will always be bleak?

See that's the point... point of view IS A CHOICE!  So..I'm merely suggesting that people can make DIFFERENT CHOICES!  Remember - If nothing changes...nothing changes.

And...as for the suggestion that making both the mental changes and taking the action steps this new way of thinking implies is HARD...I ask "What's wrong with HARD?"

Unless you've been gifted with a grand inheritance or born a prodigy, most people have to work hard...very hard...for what they achieve in their lives.  In fact, it's the very fact that they did work hard for it that makes their success so precious to them.  Athletes, artists, musicians all work very hard to be successful. As a musician I've often heard the quote: "The way to get to Carnegie Hall is PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE!"

For many people in this country, VOTING is HARD.  Getting to the Polls on a Work Day is Hard. Filling out the right forms and getting a Photo ID is Hard.  Figuring out who to vote for is Hard. And yes...and most of all...believing that my one vote can make any real difference is really...really hard.

As I've mentioned earlier, I spent years working with teachers to bring about curriculum reform. One of the classroom management strategies the HET (Highly Effective Teaching) model uses is to teach students to develop LIFESKILLS (the behaviors one needs to be successful in life). The list of LIFESKILLS includes Patience, Perseverance, Sense of Humor and EFFORT. What I came to realize is that the best way to teach these skills is to put students in situations that require them.  You learn Patience because you find yourself in a situation where you have to be able to WAIT.  In fact, I've often (seriously..) teased that when a person says "I'm working on my LIFESKILL of..." that God hears that statement like a prayer and creates some situation where we can't succeed unless we learn to develop that skill.

As we continue on this journey, I want to suggest that this PHOENIX PROPOSAL is all about developing and strengthening one's LIFESKILLS. And...in this post...I've simply been suggesting that if you're willing to work at developing your LIFESKILL of EFFORT you can change your thinking patterns.  You can come to a point where you are ready to respond to someone's question: "Can I help you?" with a response "Yes..but I think I really can HELP MYSELF."  

Hopefully....in the following posts I can suggest some ways that can "help you help yourself."